My Husband

To my husband:

I love you very much. Thank you for being a sweetheart. Thank you for being a hard worker. Thank you for being honest. Thank you for being a dork. Thank you for helping me with dishes. As I am working on my fourth load of laundry, thank you for not getting that second dog you wanted. Thank you for my little girl.

Tonight you can have biscuits and gravy for working so hard at getting in shape!

Love you!

For The Love of Gluten!

Only for those gluten free people do you need all these:



Just to make some of these!



I have been on a quest for quiet some time to make gluten free noodles for my sister. I have always failed though. I think it is because I love my gluten and didn't realize I needed forty different items to make what normally takes me four items! I followed the recipe on Simply Gluten Free. I would like to say it worked like a charm. However, I don't think any pasta that is gluten free will ever work like a charm but it did work. It just takes a lot more TLC. I really had to be patient with it and work with it to get a good final product. Normally I don't even measure to make my pasta it is just all about how it feels. This didn't work that way!

However, I did get a noodle. A gluten free noodle that I think taste just about the same as any normal pasta. The noodle is a little more fragile but it worked! So to my sister when you come out in a couple months I can actually make you totally gluten free chicken parmesan with noodles!!!

Security Straps

It is amazing how many things you go into parenting assuming and you end up wrong about.

I remember being so naive when I was pregnant. I wasn't going to do certain things and I would certainly do others. I bought certain things and knew I wouldn't need others. The things that stuck out in my mind were:

1. My baby would sleep in her crib.

Truth: She hasn't slept in her crib for more than two hours total her entire life. She sleeps on me and has from the day she was born. When we were in the hospital any time she heard me lowering the bed to sleep she would start crying.

2. I will breastfed but if it doesn't work I will switch to formula.

Truth: I felt to guilty to switch when it wouldn't work so I stuck it out till it did work.

3. I will most likely just change the baby where ever, I doubt I will use the changing table much.

Truth: After a couple times of her peeing all over herself while I was changing the diaper, I have used the changing table for ever changing.

4. I won't need anything fancy like a diaper wipe warmer or a humidifier.

Truth: We now wash out all of our wipes before she uses them because she is allergic to the chemicals in them. We have a fan that blows on us because she doesn't like to be warm.

There are tons of things like that. There are also the things that I didn't have a ton of assumptions about but if I could go back I would do them differently.

1. Clothing, we had so much clothes.

Hindsight: We would have just bought some onsies and night gowns with open bottoms with handcuffs. I never put her in pants and shirts or dresses because they ride down and are to hard to keep on. Plus jeans just cut into their little tummy.

2. We bought a crib vs bassinet.

Hindsight: I wouldn't have purchased a crib but instead just a small rocking bassinet.

3. We bought a swing right after she was born because she loved when you would hold her and be in motion. I knew she would just love it!

Hindsight: She didn't and she spent very little time in it. What she liked was to be held by a human who was in motion.

Lastly, there are those things you think, what is this for, am I really going to need this, this is just silly. That my friends is what spurred this post. You know those safety straps they put on the little bouncer seat. Those are just silly it isn't like they can get out of the seat, they can't even get their hands in their mouth. So I cut those off, I was getting so tired of moving them out of the way every time I put her in the chair. It wasn't like I was going to strap her in each time I set her down for a moment, that is just silly! It wasn't like I left her in there unattended.

Did I mention that my baby girl is practicing her sitting up. You know what would really come in handy in her little bouncer chair... some safety straps, I wonder why the manufacturer didn't think of that.

A Stolen Life

I recently read the book: A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard

In this book she writes about being abducted and her life for the eighteen years that she was held captive. It isn't written like a book that has gone through fifteen different editors but reads like a person who is just writing down what happened to them. I feel that because it is written like this it comes across more true. It is an excellent book and I would recommend it to any person who doesn't mind being sad for a couple days while you read it. Additionally, that doesn't mind being totally over protective of their children for a very long time.

It saddens me to my very core what this young child had to endure. It amazes me that she wasn't found and rescued sooner. The man that took her was already on the sex offender registry and had parole officers visiting the house in which he kept her and the two daughters she had while captive. We are in need of stronger laws and closer supervision. In her book she shows you some of her journal entries she wrote and it amazes me the strength this young girl had. I don't think I personally could have survived or had the attitude that she did that kept her going for so long.

I hope that her and her children are able to lead a happy and long life.

It really puts into perspective my own life and makes me think that all the little things I complain about aren't really all that bad in the grand scheme of things. It really makes you give thanks and it also makes you pray that things like that won't happen, ever, to anyone.

Hit or Miss

I am currently experimenting with adding additional foods to my diet. My weight is quickly dropping below my healthy weight so I am looking for additional calories. I am finding that it is completely hit or miss. I try to try things that are natural and not processed as I am assuming it will go over better. (Trust me if I thought it would work I would be all for eating an entire pack of Oreos threes times a day.) I had some ground pork the other day and she seemed to deal with that just fine. I tried some ground beef but she didn't seem to care for that at all. So I definitely won't be trying any dairy in the future, just going to stay away from anything cow related for at least a couple more months.

What I tried today was hummus. However, it wasn't true hummus because I couldn't put the sesame paste in it. She has never done well with seeds and nuts. So I just used organic dry chick peas, olive oil, and some seasonings (same ones I used in my ground pork since I knew she would tolerate them). However, I don't think either one of us are caring much for the hummus.

I am not sure what to try next. Have any ideas that doesn't include beans, nuts, seeds, vegetables, citrus fruits, anything cow related, or anything seafood related?

A Will!

I never thought wills were important because I didn't really have anything. If I were to pass on there wouldn't be much to do but to figure out what to do with some clothes and old furniture.

My parents never had a will and I still don't think they do. I always assumed it was because they didn't own a home or anything.

When I took an estate and probate class for my paralegal degree I learned the importance of a will. I also learned the importance of a living will. Although, that was over five or so years ago and I still hadn't done either one. I guess I felt like it still wasn't that important. Or maybe I felt like it wasn't going to happen anytime soon so why bother right now.

What made me change my mind and actually get my butt in gear to do a will? Having my baby girl! However, hopefully no one will need to look at my will until I am old and walking with a cane!

So now folks I am officially a big girl with a will. It makes me feel so old!

Palate

I have always had a pretty immature palate. It didn't start changing much until I started cooking from scratch. My taste quickly changed and overtime my palate matured. However, today I learned that just as your palate can mature with a variety of flavors and foods it can also revert back with a lack of foods and flavors. My diet is currently the definition of ridiculously bland. Tonight I made a ground pork mixture and steamed up some sushi rice (experimenting to try and find more foods the baby will tolerate). I put very little seasoning in the ground pork. Just enough that it would give it a slight hint of flavor.

I piled it on my plate and took a bite. You would have thought I put the whole spice cabinet in there. It had a pretty strong flavor. Normally the amount of spice I put in there wouldn't done much of anything. However, tonight it helped the pork pack quiet a little punch.

I realized after devouring my whole plate that when I do go back to cooking meals my husband and my tastes will no longer be the same. Prior to my fun diet we were pretty much the same in how much we liked spices, salt, and so on. However, that has changed greatly. It will be an interesting adventure when I get back to cooking normally for the whole family.

The First Time

Usually you look forward to your firsts. Your first kiss, your first date, your first baby, your first bite of new dish, your first home, but there are a couple first that you don't look forward to and one of those is the first time you leave your little baby. That is exactly what I did. I left my little baby doll for the first time to go see the Sugarland concert.

We were driving to our dear friends house to drop her off. I knew it was going to be hard but I also thought I would do well. I knew our friend would keep her happy, safe, and entertained. She is one of the sweetest people you will ever meet and I trust her more than anything. It also doesn't hurt that she was once a pediatric nurse. We arrived at her doorstep and at first she didn't answer. There was a fleeting moment I thought, she isn't home, I guess we have to turnaround and go home. However, she answered. We came in and visited and I was doing great until it was time to leave. I looked at those chubby little cheeks and the tears started to well up inside me.

When we were driving away and I thought.. I really didn't think it would be this hard.

There we sat at the concert and she started singing.... "love your baby girl" and they started showing all the little girls in the audience. I started to cry. The tears just started streaming. Next I received an adorable text message from our friend telling me that she was sleeping and that my little girl told me to have fun and that she loved me. I started crying again.

It was a tough night and I missed my baby girl so much.

I thought it would be a nice little break. Everyone kept telling me I just needed a little break but it didn't feel like that. It was more just counting down the minutes till I got to go pick her back up. It just made me feel like "we won't be doing this again anytime soon." I guess she has me wrapped around her little finger.

That Makes Total Sense

My lovely husband is working hard to drop some weight and get in shape! He even did the warrior dash recently and ran 3.5 miles through mud and other obstacles. I would like to show you picture but it was pouring rain and I had a baby, so we hid in the car till he was finished.

So this was our conversation yesterday:

Husband: "What I really wanted on my toast was cinnamon and sugar."
Me: "We have some."
Husband: "I am watching my weight though."
Me: "Good deal!"

So this was our conversation this morning:

Me: "Can you grad some ground pork and ground beef out of the freezer?"
Husband: "What about some bacon?"
Me: "Why?"
Husband: "Just to eat some bacon."

Yes that makes total sense in comparison to a teaspoon of cinnamon and sugar.

Then I walked around the side of the couch and found this waiting to be consumed:



I guess I don't understand how the "man diet" works these days.

Fear or Love

If you know me or followed my old blog you know two things about me. I love food and I hate spiders with a passion.

My fear of spiders started at an early age, before I can even remember. It isn't like a small fear it is a running screaming fear. When I was about 18 I was helping to clean out a storage shed. I had to reach up in the gutter because we dropped the lock in there. I put a plastic bag over my hand, with sweating dripping down my forehead (out of fear), and reached in and grabbed it. When I pulled my arm out it was covered in little baby spiders. I started screaming, hitting myself, and pulling off clothes. By the time I got calm enough I had little scratches all over me. I wish I was exaggerating but I am not!

If I feel something tickling me I automatically assume that it is a spider and just start swatting myself. When I was about 21 I was driving down the road, ran my hand over my hair, and thought hmm... there shouldn't be any bumps in my hair. I quickly grabbed and threw. It was this big shell like spider. I took my shoe off (while driving) and started smacking it. I am not sure how I stayed in my lane!

When I am at home, if I see a spider I start screaming for my husband to take care of it. Whether it is a baby the size of a speck of sugar or a huge tarantula size. Ow, did I mention my mother had two of those growing up. One day I came home and the cage was on its side. I turned and walked out the door and didn't come back for hours. They didn't find one of them but the other one came crawling down the chimney one night (I screamed again).

So, back to the point I wanted to make. When I was pregnant I always wondered if I was put in the position of great danger. Meaning what if there was a spider v my daughter... would I have the courage to help out or would I let her fend for herself. She isn't afraid of spiders yet as she doesn't know the misery they can cause. This was an honest concern of mine.

Well yesterday we were sitting in our recliner, my baby girl was sleeping and cooing, I was reading my book. She started to stir so I looked down at her ready to jiggle and wiggle her back into a deep sleep. I looked down and there was a huge black spider (like the size of a quarter) crawling across her face.

My typical reaction: scream, hit, and wiggle about until I am sure the danger was away from me and sufficiently dead.

My actual reaction: grabbed the spider and squashed it, I think I kept my hand closed for a good five minutes because I was deathly afraid that I would open my palm and it would come running out and eat me (I do not like spider bites, I swell up like a blimp).

So I guess my love for my daughter beat out my fear of spiders. Now please excuse me while I go do laundry. I think it was my daughter who peed out of the side of her diaper but I very well could have peed my pants too.

Four Dollar Nap

My baby girl isn't the queen of sleep time. She either nurses herself to sleep, I rock her to sleep, or she puts herself to sleep while riding in the car. The rocking her is working less and less and she gets stronger. When she was a little snuggle bug I would just ball her up on my chest and rock her to sleep but now she moves those little arms and kicks her legs in protest! So normally we try to time feedings so they around sleepy time that way she can nurse herself to sleep. However lately she either eats her fill before she falls asleep or she wants to sleep but not nurse. So we have been taking drives.

At least once a day we have been taking a drive. Sometimes I have a destination in mind like going to the grocery store to pick something up but sometimes we are just driving. Sometimes she will time it perfectly so she can sleep on the drive home and sometimes she falls asleep moments before we get home so I sit in the car with her while she sleeps (she only sleeps for thirty minute intervals so it isn't like I am camping in the car for three hours).

I call these four dollar naps because that is about the price of gas, per gallon, right now. In all honesty it doesn't cost that much because it doesn't take that long to get her to sleep also my car gets pretty decent gas mileage. However, I figure if I keep saying four dollar nap it will push me to find other ways to get her to sleep that don't cost anything!

Breastfeeding

When I first found out I was pregnant I knew I was going to breastfed. It was the best thing for the baby, it was a money saver, and it was a time saver. The first month of breastfeeding was beyond difficult. It was time consuming, it was painful, and I cried a lot. There were many times when I wanted to give up and just switch to formula but one thing prevented that. Guilt. Guilt for not giving my baby the best possible thing and the guilt for the additional money it would cost us.

I remember sending my husband to the store for formula because we were having to supplement while I wasn't producing enough. He came back and he said we are breastfeeding! The cost came as quiet a shock to him. I know he was kidding (kind of) and would have supported me either way but I still felt guilty switching to something so expensive when I was no longer working.

I remember about three weeks in calling my doctor, crying, and asking for permission to switch to formula. I guess I felt like I would feel less guilty if the doctor told me it was okay. He didn't though. He said, you have gone above and beyond to make this work, no one would fault you for quitting. However, just keep doing it for one more week and see how it goes.

After that first month I still wasn't totally on board with it. I wasn't able to eat anything because it made her sick and she was nursing pretty much every hour but it was better after one more week. I think it was around two months when I wanted to quit again. I was dropping weight like crazy because of my lack of eating, her tummy was still having trouble, and she was still nursing constantly. I thought maybe her tummy would like formula better. I thought formula would help her sleep. I thought formula would keep her fuller for longer. However, I stuck with it, probably out of guilt more then anything.

If you would have asked me even a month ago about breastfeeding I wouldn't have had many nice things to say about it. I probably would have said that if I could do it all over again I would have just done formula from the start. I would have said all the supposed benefits can be nothing but a bunch of hype.

The other night as I sat gazing at my sleeping baby, with a death grip on her human pacifier, I finally thought "I am glad that I breastfed." I still can't eat much but I am getting used to. She still nurses often, about every two hours, but I am getting used to it. She still has tummy troubles but they are slowly getting better. In the grand scheme of things it is what is best for her and it has given us an enormous amount of bonding time. This is what she needs right now, just like she needs the comfort of sleeping on me, so that is what she gets.

5 Months

Well we are approaching the five month mark. We have had a couple changes:

She can now roll both ways, right and left.

She is now in 18 month clothing.

Other than that we are about the same, still sleeping on Mom, still nursing away, and still working on that whole sitting up thing. It is hard with all this weight she has to hold up.

We are very much looking forward to starting solids in the next couple months. We have decided that instead of doing purees we are going to do baby-led weening. I think the benefits will be great and she is quiet the independent little bug when figuring things out so I think she will enjoy it immensely. I am glad I stumbled upon this blog about it!

Progress

Progress might be small but it is still progress. Ellie will now tolerate a few more foods in our diet. She is allowing me some apricot jelly which I really appreciate not only for a sugar fix but also because it has multiple purposes. I can use it with a chicken wrap to add some moisture or I can make some toast. She also is letting me eat eggs which is huge this really opens up some opportunities for me (egg sandwich, eggs and toast, scrambled eggs, etc). She also let me eat some pork roast the other day. However, I am trying to not be greedy. Just eating smalls amounts. Well except the Jelly I am pretty much eating about three jars of that a week but she seems to be just fine with it.

However, she is absolutely not ok with peanut butter. That we will not ever be trying again while we are nursing and she won't be trying it on her own until she is much older. I have yet to try dairy because that was her worst offender in the past and it takes the longest to get out of her system. I am not sure if we will be trying that one or not.

For now though it is nice to have a couple new foods and it is wonderful that her tummy is getting better! It gives me hope that she will outgrow most of her intolerance/allergies (what ever you wish to call them).

Can I get you a chicken and apricot jelly wrap? Yummy....

Lesson Learned

Do you see this adorable little patriotic 4th of July outfit:



Well this was taken yesterday, not on the 4th. I bought this just for the 4th so she would be all decked out for the occasion. We put it on her and not but three minutes later she threw up all over herself and the outfit. So we ended up in a cute little brown and pink outfit. So the lesson I learned, if you really want them to wear something specific don't put it on till you get there, and then cross your fingers! I say this because we have a wedding in a couple weeks to attend. I think I will wait to put her clothes on her until we are in the parking lot!

Chocolate Cheesecake Frosting

I love this little cupcake:



However, these little cupcakes just aren't something I seek out.



I am just not a huge fan but I am also not much of a cake person. If I have my pick I will typically go for a pie, turnover, or a cookie. I think it is for the same reason that I don't like thick crust on my pizza, I would rather enjoy the toppings and not fill up on what is holding the toppings. I like the frosting and filling in cakes but the cake is really just there to hold those items.

However, I wondered over to How Sweet It Is and saw a recipe for Peanut Butter Cupcakes with Chocolate Cheesecake Frosting and it sound simply wonderful. I tried the cupcakes and wasn't a huge fan. It reminded me more of a cookie cooked in a cupcake tin. So instead I made a vanilla cupcake with peanut butter chips in it and it worked much better for me. The frosting was a huge hit though. I only made a couple modifications and that was omitting milk and adding additional chocolate.

Chocolate Cheesecake Frosting

1/2 Cup Room Temp Unsalted Butter
8 Ounces Room Temp Cream Cheese
1 T Vanilla Extract
4 Cups Powdered Sugar
1/2 Cup of Cocoa Powder

Cream butter and cheese together. Add vanilla and mix. Add sugar and cocoa and mix until smooth.

While I couldn't eat any of it the cupcakes and frosting were a huge hit! I think the recipe for the vanilla cupcakes could use a couple modifications so I will post that recipe when I am happy with it.